A Good Dad Needs You

I’m feeling pretty nostalgic this Father’s Day weekend.  It started last Saturday night, at the wedding of our board chair’s daughter, when Dan Weingartz was explaining to my wife and me how he wept like a baby every time he tried to pick a song for the father’s dance with his daughter.  Over a cup of coffee on Monday morning, my wife reflected on that moment with me.

“I love how much Dan loves his children,” Maritza reminisced.  “I wish I had a father like that growing up.”

Being a father is such a source of unparalleled joy.  I don’t get why so many men, like my wife’s dad, squander the opportunity to enjoy it.  I also don’t buy the theory that kids who grow up without a dad are destined to repeat the same cycle.

By today’s thinking, my dad never should have been a good dad.  Born in the throes of the Great Depression, his mom gave birth to him at home with his grandma serving as the midwife.  She didn’t remove the placenta correctly, and my dad’s mom died from an infection a few days after giving birth to him.

The story only gets worse from there.  My grandpa held my grandma’s death against my father, creating a brutal childhood my father never talked about when he was alive.  I only learned these details from his cousin years after my father’s death.  At the age of 13, my dad left home for the Maryknoll seminary with the idea of becoming a missionary priest, but was rejected five years later when they learned he had health issues that wouldn’t allow him to live safely in developing nations.

Returning home to Detroit at the age of 18 after a lifetime of rejection, this unemployed teenager charted a new path.  He became a legendary teacher and coach, but an even better father.  He loved my three siblings and me deeply, and sacrificed for us selflessly, despite never knowing what it was like to have a loving father or mother himself.

I don’t know if my dad could have turned around like that as a teenager in today’s world, where traps that destroy the souls of men now lie just a click away. Depression and anxiety rates have skyrocketed since “smart” phones became ubiquitous in 2012, which is one of the reasons why we are building family life centers and bringing IntSam scholars together to learn how to be great husbands and wives, as well as loving parents one day. 

If you’re feeling a little nostalgic this Father’s Day about the power and challenges of fathers, please forward this email to a young man you know and invite him out for ice cream or coffee, or even golfing if your budget allows, and share your own story of a great dad you know.  The young men in our lives need to hear and see more than what their social media feeds are giving them.

The fathers of our scholars, below, are leading the way in their community!

Mike Tenbusch, IntSam President

Mike joined IntSam in 2018 after two decades of leading social change in his hometown of Detroit, Michigan. He’s a University of Michigan Law grad and author of The Jonathan Effect: Helping Kids and Schools Win the Battle Against Poverty. He and his wife, Maritza, have three children who keep them young.